1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor... You may be a Muslim.
2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes... You may be a Muslim.
3. If you have more wives than teeth... You may be a Muslim. Or A Poligamist in Colorado City, UT
4. If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean... You may be a Muslim.
5. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide... You may be a Muslim.
6. If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against... You may be a Muslim.
7. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing... You may be a Muslim.
8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs... You may be a Muslim.
9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four... You may be a Muslim.
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